Your child is being bullied and goes back to school tomorrow. What should they say to the bully?

The plan for tomorrow morning

You have one evening. Here is what to practice tonight, in this order.

1. Say "Stop" in a calm, clear voice.
2. If that does not feel safe, walk away and stay away.
3. Do not fight back.
4. Tell a grown-up you trust.

That is the plan StopBullying.gov gives kids, and the book uses it in almost every bullying situation. It works because it is small enough to remember when your child's heart is pounding.

Now practice the first line. You play the bully. Say something like "Hey, four-eyes. Nice glasses, nerd." Your child stands tall and answers:

Stop. That's not my name.

Then they walk away, toward other kids or a lunch helper. Do it twice. Then swap, so your child plays the bully and you answer. Kids often laugh at this part. That is fine. Laughing at home is how the line stops feeling scary.

Add a list to the plan

If the same group teases your child every day, it is bullying, and grown-ups need to help fix it. The book gives kids one job beyond the four steps: keep a simple list. What happened, when, and who was there.

You can start it tonight together. A list turns "they're always mean to me" into something a teacher can act on.

If telling once did not work

This is the part that breaks parents' hearts. Your child was brave, told a teacher, and nothing changed. The book has a line just for that:

I told before, and it's still happening.

Then they tell a different grown-up: you, a school counselor, the principal. And they bring the list.

On your side, StopBullying.gov suggests going step by step. Teacher, then school counselor, then principal, then superintendent, then your state Department of Education. Call 911 if there is a crime or someone is in immediate danger.

The evening it all came out

Maybe it went like this. Dinner was quiet. Later, brushing her teeth, your daughter said the girls at lunch call her "baby" and ask if she brought her blankie. Every day. She did not want to tell you because she thought you would call the school and make it worse.

That fear is common. So say the line the book calls the most important one in it, the one that is for you, not your child:

You will never be in trouble for telling me.

Then make the plan together, so she has a say in what happens next. That alone can make tomorrow feel smaller.

Chapters for bullies and mean words

Iris Athens wrote What Do I Say If...? for exactly this problem.

Bullies and Mean Words has ten situations: mean names, pushing, daily teasing, rumors, stolen stuff, group chats, threats, seeing someone else bullied, telling when it did not stop, and even what to say when your child was the one who was mean.

Your Strong Voice teaches the calm, serious voice the plan needs, and how it differs from a scream.

At School covers the smaller moments, like "you can't sit here," and what your child can do when kids are laughing at someone else.

If the pressure is coming from friends rather than bullies, see our page on teaching kids to say no to friends.