# Your child is being bullied and goes back to school tomorrow. What should they say to the bully? - URL: https://www.agentskillpacks.com/guides/what-should-my-child-say-to-a-bully - Updated: 2026-10-26 - Book: What Do I Say If...? by Iris Athens (https://www.agentskillpacks.com/books/what-do-i-say-if) ## Short answer Tonight, teach one plan. Say "Stop" in a calm, clear voice. If that does not feel safe, walk away and stay away, near other kids or a grown-up. Do not fight back or call names back. Then tell a grown-up you trust. That plan comes from StopBullying.gov. Add one more step: keep a simple list of what happened, when, and who was there. If telling once does not stop it, the next step is telling again, then going up the line at school. ## The plan for tomorrow morning You have one evening. Here is what to practice tonight, in this order. 1. Say "Stop" in a calm, clear voice. 2. If that does not feel safe, walk away and stay away. 3. Do not fight back. 4. Tell a grown-up you trust. That is the plan [StopBullying.gov gives kids](https://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/what-you-can-do), and the book uses it in almost every bullying situation. It works because it is small enough to remember when your child's heart is pounding. Now practice the first line. You play the bully. Say something like "Hey, four-eyes. Nice glasses, nerd." Your child stands tall and answers: > Stop. That's not my name. Then they walk away, toward other kids or a lunch helper. Do it twice. Then swap, so your child plays the bully and you answer. Kids often laugh at this part. That is fine. Laughing at home is how the line stops feeling scary. ## Add a list to the plan If the same group teases your child every day, it is bullying, and grown-ups need to help fix it. The book gives kids one job beyond the four steps: keep a simple list. What happened, when, and who was there. You can start it tonight together. A list turns "they're always mean to me" into something a teacher can act on. ## If telling once did not work This is the part that breaks parents' hearts. Your child was brave, told a teacher, and nothing changed. The book has a line just for that: > I told before, and it's still happening. Then they tell a different grown-up: you, a school counselor, the principal. And they bring the list. On your side, [StopBullying.gov suggests going step by step](https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/get-help-now). Teacher, then school counselor, then principal, then superintendent, then your state Department of Education. Call 911 if there is a crime or someone is in immediate danger. ## The evening it all came out Maybe it went like this. Dinner was quiet. Later, brushing her teeth, your daughter said the girls at lunch call her "baby" and ask if she brought her blankie. Every day. She did not want to tell you because she thought you would call the school and make it worse. That fear is common. So say the line the book calls the most important one in it, the one that is for you, not your child: > You will never be in trouble for telling me. Then make the plan together, so she has a say in what happens next. That alone can make tomorrow feel smaller. ## Chapters for bullies and mean words Iris Athens wrote [What Do I Say If...?](/books/what-do-i-say-if) for exactly this problem. **Bullies and Mean Words** has ten situations: mean names, pushing, daily teasing, rumors, stolen stuff, group chats, threats, seeing someone else bullied, telling when it did not stop, and even what to say when your child was the one who was mean. **Your Strong Voice** teaches the calm, serious voice the plan needs, and how it differs from a scream. **At School** covers the smaller moments, like "you can't sit here," and what your child can do when kids are laughing at someone else. If the pressure is coming from friends rather than bullies, see our page on [teaching kids to say no to friends](/guides/how-to-teach-kids-to-say-no-to-friends). ## Where this is in the book - Your Strong Voice - Bullies and Mean Words - At School Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HP6GP6KY Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HP7PZ572 Links go to Amazon. ToolGenX publishes this book under a pen name and earns from every sale. This book is not a substitute for supervision or professional help. If a child may be in danger, call 911 or the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453. ## Is the book for you? - Yes, if Your child came home upset and goes back tomorrow - Yes, if The same kids are teasing them again and again - Yes, if Your child told a teacher once and it did not stop - Skip it if Your child has been threatened with violence or is in danger now. Call 911 or the police - Skip it if Your child talks about hurting themselves. Call or text 988 now ## FAQ ### What should a child say to a bully? Something short, in a calm, clear voice. The book uses "Stop." For a mean name, it adds a line that the name is not theirs. Then the child walks away toward other kids or a grown-up. No name-calling back, because that gives the bully what they want. ### Should I tell my child to ignore the bully? Not on its own. Walking away is part of the plan, but so is telling. The book has a line for a kid who already told: say that you told before and it is still happening. Ignoring alone leaves your child to handle it by themselves. ### What do I do if the school does not stop the bullying? StopBullying.gov suggests going step by step: teacher, then school counselor, then principal, then superintendent, then your state Department of Education. Call 911 if there is a crime or someone is in immediate danger. Threats of violence, sexual photos and stalking should be reported to police. ### What should my child do about mean messages in a group chat? Do not reply and do not send anything mean back. Do not forward it. Save the proof, like a screenshot, then block the sender or leave the chat, and show a grown-up. Mean messages online are still bullying, and a grown-up can help report them. ### What if the bully says tell anyone and you will be sorry? That is exactly when to tell. The book says threats are meant to keep a child quiet, so the child gets away, stays near grown-ups, and tells a parent and a teacher the same day. Threats are serious.